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Is Perfectionism Pushing You Forward or Dragging You Back?

Good, bad, or ugly, we all know people who have excessively high standards. are extremely competitive, or just need to win every time. Is always striving for the best admirable or is it a recipe for disaster with an inevitable failure? Or, are perfectionistic tendencies needed to succeed?

What is Clinical Perfectionism?

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According to Merriam-Webster, the medical definition is:

A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.

The key phrase here is “unrealistically demanding”. While there is a healthy range of standards and working hard can be admirable, basing self-worth on a flawless performance will ultimately result in feelings of stress and worthlessness.

Pursuit Despite Negative Consequences

Perfectionists tend to strive for goals that cause exhaustion, stress, physical pain and/or chaos which take away from everyday life.  Once one task is complete, another will following immediately with merciless pursuit. This inevitably will affect others in the relationship with the perfectionist because the expectations are ultimately unattainable.

When perfectionists fall short of expected outcomes, this can affect their feelings of self-worth. There is a tendency to compare themselves to others and impose negative thoughts upon themselves like “I am not good enough” or “I am a failure”. Confidence and self-esteem erodes.

Is Perfectionism Holding You Back?

It is logical to want to avoid pain so perfectionists may get to the point where they give up before they even start. Because of the fear of making mistakes, perfectionists may try to protect themselves only engaging in activities that they know they will succeed in. They may also check and re-check their work for hours to ensure they did not make a mistake.

Is it Okay to Be a Perfectionist?

Perfectionistic traits can help motive individuals into achieving excellence in their life including both work and relationships. Setting standards, when not excessively high, can provide the motivation needed to accomplish life goals.

The problem occurs when these traits become obsessive and unhealthy. When the fear of failure outweighs the desire for success, perfectionism becomes unhealthy. Here are a few other key signs that perfectionism might be a problem:

  • Unable to take real or perceived criticism

  • Being critical of others

  • Procrastinating

  • Expecting to be instantly an expert

  • Insisting your way or the highway

  • Believing perceived success is the only way to be happy

Differences between Perfectionism and Excellence

In the book, Moving Past Perfect, Thomas Greenspan refers to this quote that has be adapted by several people over the years and succinctly describes the differences between motivating excellence and debilitating perfection.

Excellence is risk. Perfection is fear.

Excellence is effort. Perfection is anger and frustration.

Excellence is openness to being wrong. Perfection is having to be right.

Excellence is spontaneity. Perfection is control.

Excellence is flow. Perfection is pressure.

Excellence is confidence. Perfection is doubt.

Excellence is a journey. Perfection is a destination,

Excellence is acceptance. Perfection is judgement.

Excellence is encouraging. Perfection is criticizing.

Excellence is surrender. Perfectionism is consuming.

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Conclusion

Expecting nothing short of perfection can have painful psychological side effects. Equating less than perfect results as absolute failure can result in long term issues with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and ultimately affect relationships.

On the other hand, one who has perfectionistic tendencies may regularly produce quality work with a fine attention to detail. With a desire to succeed rather than being ruled by fear, this person can be a motivated achiever with high standards of excellence. Remembering that to err is human and little mistakes can sometimes positively lead to something else that was never expected if all the rules to perfection are followed. After all, mistakes were how microwave ovens, potato chips and even penicillin were discovered!

Feel free to contact Journey to Wellness Counseling, LLC to learn more.


Andrea-Lynne DeCrosta