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Read articles from Journey to Wellness Counseling, LLC offers counseling therapy in southern CT and throughout Connecticut. Individual, Couple, Family, Group therapy, specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy, humanistic therapy, family systems therapy, bilingual services, hospice, end of life, and various mental health issues. via Telehealth, Zoom available.

Your Inner Child: What is Emotional Neglect?

Unlike the obvious signs of physical neglect or abuse where a child may have bruises or be malnourished, emotional neglect is often unrecognized and overlooked. While every child deserves the right to feel nourished and protected, unfortunately that is not always the case. Symptoms may not even appear until adulthood. So, what is an emotionally neglected childhood and what can be done?

Common Emotional Neglect Symptoms

What happens when emotional neglect is constant and long-lasting especially during a child’s formative years? It usually manifests in one or more of the following as an adult:

  • Feeling “out of it” or not recognizing feelings

  • Thinking something is missing but can’t put your finger on it

  • Feeling hollow inside

  • Getting overwhelmed or discouraged easily or quickly

  • Having low self-esteem

  • Being a perfectionist and rigid

  • Hating rejection of any kind

  • Unable to understand others’ exceptions or even identify your own

  • Lacking a strong identity and known as a “people-pleaser”

  • Hoarding and having trouble letting go

  • Trouble starting or finishing things

  • Struggle to say “no”

  • Addiction tendencies

  • Never felt close to your mother or father

Emotionally Neglectful Actions

Here are some common actions experienced by emotionally neglected children:

  • You were not allowed to have your own opinions

  • If you spoke up or act differently than expected, you were punished

  • You were discouraged from playing, having fun, or being spontaneous

  • Anger, joy or other strong emotions were discouraged

  • You were frequently shamed both in private and/or public

  • You were criticized and/or abused regularly

  • Your physical boundaries were violated or you were physically punished

  • Your parent(s) depended on your for their level of happiness

  • Physical affection (e.g. hugs, kisses, cuddles) was limited or non-existent

Type of Parents That Emotionally Neglect Children

Not all parents are aware or have the capacity to make their children feel safe, secure, and protected not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. It’s important to remember that most parents do their best with the level of information, education, and emotional/mental maturity they had and the experience they had when they were raised.

  • Authoritarian parents want you to follow a strict regimen with no room for error. Children’s feelings and need are ignored in order to maintain order. Children raised in this manner usually become overly rebellious or submissive.

  • Permissive parents let their children fend for themselves, even in circumstances that could be harmful. Children raised this way may have problems setting boundaries for themselves as adults.

  • Narcissistic parents feel the world revolves around only them and children are merely there to further ensure the parents’ needs are met. Children raised by narcissists may become narcissists themselves or never feel like they deserve to have their own needs.

  • Perfectionist parents are never satisfied and always push their children to do more. Children in these circumstances will continue to set unrealistic exceptions for themselves usually resulting in anxiety and the feeling of never being good enough.

  • Parents may be absent for a variety of reasons including illness, divorce, long working hours, or even death. These children are left to raise themselves and possibly even their younger siblings. As adults, they may carry over that sense of worry and extreme responsibility.

What is the Inner Child?

The inner child is the part of you that retains its sense of wonder and awe toward life. Without that connection, we can feel unhappy, depressed, and empty but when connected to our inner child, we feel inspired and excited about possibilities.

What Can be Done?

If you experience a dysregulated mood, trouble connecting with others, and a general feeling of emptiness, your inner child may still retain the memories of childhood emotional neglect.

You are not alone. Together, we will awaken your inner child and travel your unique path to a life of balance, abundance, and joy. Please feel free to reach out to me at (203) 415-5162 or visit my website at www.journeyct.com.

Andrea-Lynne DeCrosta