Your Inner Child: What is Emotional Neglect?
Unlike the obvious signs of physical neglect or abuse where a child may have bruises or be malnourished, emotional neglect is often unrecognized and overlooked. While every child deserves the right to feel nourished and protected, unfortunately that is not always the case. Symptoms may not even appear until adulthood. So, what is an emotionally neglected childhood and what can be done?
Common Emotional Neglect Symptoms
What happens when emotional neglect is constant and long-lasting especially during a child’s formative years? It usually manifests in one or more of the following as an adult:
Feeling “out of it” or not recognizing feelings
Thinking something is missing but can’t put your finger on it
Feeling hollow inside
Getting overwhelmed or discouraged easily or quickly
Having low self-esteem
Being a perfectionist and rigid
Hating rejection of any kind
Unable to understand others’ exceptions or even identify your own
Lacking a strong identity and known as a “people-pleaser”
Hoarding and having trouble letting go
Trouble starting or finishing things
Struggle to say “no”
Addiction tendencies
Never felt close to your mother or father
Emotionally Neglectful Actions
Here are some common actions experienced by emotionally neglected children:
You were not allowed to have your own opinions
If you spoke up or act differently than expected, you were punished
You were discouraged from playing, having fun, or being spontaneous
Anger, joy or other strong emotions were discouraged
You were frequently shamed both in private and/or public
You were criticized and/or abused regularly
Your physical boundaries were violated or you were physically punished
Your parent(s) depended on your for their level of happiness
Physical affection (e.g. hugs, kisses, cuddles) was limited or non-existent
Type of Parents That Emotionally Neglect Children
Not all parents are aware or have the capacity to make their children feel safe, secure, and protected not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. It’s important to remember that most parents do their best with the level of information, education, and emotional/mental maturity they had and the experience they had when they were raised.
Authoritarian parents want you to follow a strict regimen with no room for error. Children’s feelings and need are ignored in order to maintain order. Children raised in this manner usually become overly rebellious or submissive.
Permissive parents let their children fend for themselves, even in circumstances that could be harmful. Children raised this way may have problems setting boundaries for themselves as adults.
Narcissistic parents feel the world revolves around only them and children are merely there to further ensure the parents’ needs are met. Children raised by narcissists may become narcissists themselves or never feel like they deserve to have their own needs.
Perfectionist parents are never satisfied and always push their children to do more. Children in these circumstances will continue to set unrealistic exceptions for themselves usually resulting in anxiety and the feeling of never being good enough.
Parents may be absent for a variety of reasons including illness, divorce, long working hours, or even death. These children are left to raise themselves and possibly even their younger siblings. As adults, they may carry over that sense of worry and extreme responsibility.
What is the Inner Child?
The inner child is the part of you that retains its sense of wonder and awe toward life. Without that connection, we can feel unhappy, depressed, and empty but when connected to our inner child, we feel inspired and excited about possibilities.
What Can be Done?
If you experience a dysregulated mood, trouble connecting with others, and a general feeling of emptiness, your inner child may still retain the memories of childhood emotional neglect.
You are not alone. Together, we will awaken your inner child and travel your unique path to a life of balance, abundance, and joy. Please feel free to reach out to me at (203) 415-5162 or visit my website at www.journeyct.com.